Look up!

In December 2002 life as we would know it changed. The glue in my husband’s family came home from work and had a massive heart attack. I had gone from planning a Christmas dinner with my mother in law to the next day sitting around a cold board room type table with her family making arrangements for her funeral.

Let me stop right here and say this. I had never felt so useless to my family as I did on this day. I have always tried to fix everything. From the time I was a little girl, I would try and fix things so my dad would not fuss on my mom or my brothers. I always did all I could to make my husband have as little stress as he could have. I always wanted my son to have a great childhood, one to look back on with fondness. I sat in the car on the way to look at grave sites, praying.

“Father, I can't fix this. I can't take this pain away. God where are you?”

“Look for me in my creation and in the beauty of nature. There you will see me and there you can draw your strength.”

I opened my eyes as we were passing a little lake and I saw the trees reflecting in the water. I felt the love of God well up in my spirit as if to say,“ I have got this. I am not going to leave you or forsake you in this. Just look for my beauty - look for me.”

When we arrived to the cemetery it was beside an old stone Church. I felt peace sweep over me as I got out and looked around. My mother in law and I had been there and done that before. We had walked that very cemetery when we had attended a craft fair. I watched some squirrels playing around in the fallen leaves. I couldn't help but smile.

“Yes, God I see all your beauty.”

It filled my heart with joy.

Psalm 27:3-5Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear:
though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.4 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion:
in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me;
he shall set me up upon a rock.

This year has been a hard year for me healthwise, and some other things that have been going on. God reminded me where He said I could find Him. When we think God is not around we just need to stop. We need to look around at the sky, the grass, the trees. The earth is God's canvas and He is the greatest artist there is.

I love it when He puts a rainbow in the sky or when He paints a beautiful sunset, the way He hangs the stars at night. Each one that He has named. The fact that He cares enough about me and my life that he knows the number of hairs on my head.

Luke 12:6-8Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. 8 Also I say unto you, Whosoever shall confess me before men, him shall the Son of man also confess before the angels of God:

God knows exactly what we are going through. He promised He would never leave or forsake us. Hebrews 13:5. Sometimes though we stop seeking, we stop knocking, we stop asking. Matthew 7:7 I think sometimes He is up there in heaven, tapping His foot with His arms crossed watching us doggy-paddle the best we can in water above our heads, and we are not reaching for our life jacket.

I was reminded of the day when I felt totally helpless and of what God told me. To look around and find Him. I have been carrying things on my shoulders and trying to fix things that, one, are not mine to fix and two, are not fixable by human hands. So I started looking for God again in His word, but also in His creation. I have started taking pictures of God's artwork and it has helped me. It helps with the pain and it is something I am enjoying doing. Who knew seeing things through a lenses of a camera could be such good medicine? I have ideas of things I would like to do, such as taking pictures of all the churches in our county this fall. Sometimes we just need to open our eyes to discover where our help comes from.