I have truly been blessed.

Today as we close out the month of November in the year 2014, it is a day of reflection.
I reflect back and I think of the year and what it has brought to me.  It has brought heart ache and joy, we have seen things that could have been tragic turn in to triumphs, we have seen God's movement and we have felt God's silence.  We have learned patience and we have a new respect for Job.  Most of all our level of trust in our Lord has grown to a different level.  I find there are very few plan B's in my life because my trust for plan A, God, has grown.  I have more faith in Him then I do in myself and I have not always been able to say that.  I have truly been blessed.

I am thankful for my God most of all.  He is a merciful God.  I remember vividly crying out to him earlier this year, when my health was in a major spiral down, I was angry.  I remember screaming at the top of my lungs, tears running down my face, take me home, heal me or make me stronger but please do not leave me like this.  He chose to make me stronger but I believe He is also healing me.  I have a passion for life again.  Something I think I may have lost.  I am thankful for my salvation and my one on one relationship with my Lord.  I have a long way to go in improving my walk but I think those closet to me see there has been a change in me.   I have truly been blessed.

I want to thank the Lord for my husband.  My for better or for worse, in sickness and health to death us do part.  He is my best friend here on earth.  He knows my fears and my short comings.  He takes care of me and he had done a great amount for my mom too, not because of her as much as because she is important to me.   I want to thank my husband for being here, standing by my side and supporting me .  There are days he catches all my frustrations and all my anger though it is not at him.  He tries to understand the fibro and the lupus, and why some days it hurts to even be touched.  My heart though never wants him to let go.  I have truly been blessed.

I want to thank the Lord for my son, Jared.  He has turned into a wonderful man of God and a wonderful husband to his wife Audra.  He had a great grandmother who prayed that he would be a mighty man of God and if she was alive today she would be so proud.  She would love his dear wife Audra as all of us do.  Jared was my miracle.  He was not suppose to be here with out fertility drugs but God is the maker of life and He chose his perfect time for him to be born.  His faith in our Lord is great and to hear him say … “Audra and I have prayed about it”  Does so much for this mom's heart it makes it want to leap.  I have to truly been blessed.

I want to thank the Lord for my daughter, Audra.  I don't like the words in law.  Audra, is an answer to a prayer prayed for 23 years, that the Lord would let me have a daughter.  It did not work out for us  to adopt but the Lord sure did bless this family when he brought Audra in to it.  She is a wonderful help meet for my son.  You can not stay around her long with out feeling happy or better.  She shines the love of the Lord.  She some day will be a wonderful mom to my grand children.  I love her and I have truly been blessed.













I want to thank the Lord for Cornerstone Baptist Church and Pastor Ron Ralph.  Brother Ron is not just our Pastor, he is our friend.  My church family have been so good to Bob and I.  Many of my sisters, to many to name, have taken me to the doctor, or to see mom.  We are given the living word of God every Sunday and Wednesday, it is not a God is love message.  He is not afraid to tell us what we are doing wrong according to the Bible.   He challenges to be better spouses, better parents, better children, and better neighbors.  He teaches us that there is a literal hell and he preaches the salvation message.  I am also thankful for the music we have and for Bro. David and Bro. Jacob and all the special music we have.  We are a talented church, God has truly blessed us when he led us to Cornerstone.  I am truly blessed.

I want to thank the Lord for my mom and brothers and their families.  The past five years have been very stressful for us and some times we disagree more then we agree, but the bottom line is I wouldn't trade them for any other.  I miss my dad horribly but I know he is in a much better place.  I love my niece and am so proud of her in her walk with God and her new husband.  I am proud of each of my nephews and the talent the Lord has blessed them all with.  I am truly blessed.


I want to thank the Lord for a special friend , cousin,sister.. Lisa.  I never had a birth sister but she and I have been there for one another through most of our storms and victories.  We don't get to see each other much any more but I love her dearly and I know she loves me.  If life was different we would sit down with our dip and chips and diet Dr. Pepper and talk to the wee hours of the morning.  I miss her and love her.  I am truly blessed.

I want to thank God for the material things such as my home.  I want to thank Him for all his blessing that He has given me.  Those I can see and those I can't.  Those I can touch and those I can't.  I thank Him for my husbands job and for blessing us with a good steady pay check and insurance for 20 years. I want to thank Him for the prayer group because they are many women who have blessed my life that I might not have known.  I truly could go on and on and never get through with all that I have to be thankful for. 

Last but not least, I want to thank the Lord for those who believe in me.  For those who have confidence in me that at times I don't have.  For those who believe in my dreams more then I do at times.  For those who rather be truthful with me then just hold my hand and pat it.  The health issues I face now will defeat me if I don't keep going.  There is not time to lay in a ball of pity.  I thank the Lord for those who cheer me on, even if at times it is with a kick in the pants. 

Look up!

In December 2002 life as we would know it changed. The glue in my husband’s family came home from work and had a massive heart attack. I had gone from planning a Christmas dinner with my mother in law to the next day sitting around a cold board room type table with her family making arrangements for her funeral.

Let me stop right here and say this. I had never felt so useless to my family as I did on this day. I have always tried to fix everything. From the time I was a little girl, I would try and fix things so my dad would not fuss on my mom or my brothers. I always did all I could to make my husband have as little stress as he could have. I always wanted my son to have a great childhood, one to look back on with fondness. I sat in the car on the way to look at grave sites, praying.

“Father, I can't fix this. I can't take this pain away. God where are you?”

“Look for me in my creation and in the beauty of nature. There you will see me and there you can draw your strength.”

I opened my eyes as we were passing a little lake and I saw the trees reflecting in the water. I felt the love of God well up in my spirit as if to say,“ I have got this. I am not going to leave you or forsake you in this. Just look for my beauty - look for me.”

When we arrived to the cemetery it was beside an old stone Church. I felt peace sweep over me as I got out and looked around. My mother in law and I had been there and done that before. We had walked that very cemetery when we had attended a craft fair. I watched some squirrels playing around in the fallen leaves. I couldn't help but smile.

“Yes, God I see all your beauty.”

It filled my heart with joy.

Psalm 27:3-5Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear:
though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.4 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion:
in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me;
he shall set me up upon a rock.

This year has been a hard year for me healthwise, and some other things that have been going on. God reminded me where He said I could find Him. When we think God is not around we just need to stop. We need to look around at the sky, the grass, the trees. The earth is God's canvas and He is the greatest artist there is.

I love it when He puts a rainbow in the sky or when He paints a beautiful sunset, the way He hangs the stars at night. Each one that He has named. The fact that He cares enough about me and my life that he knows the number of hairs on my head.

Luke 12:6-8Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. 8 Also I say unto you, Whosoever shall confess me before men, him shall the Son of man also confess before the angels of God:

God knows exactly what we are going through. He promised He would never leave or forsake us. Hebrews 13:5. Sometimes though we stop seeking, we stop knocking, we stop asking. Matthew 7:7 I think sometimes He is up there in heaven, tapping His foot with His arms crossed watching us doggy-paddle the best we can in water above our heads, and we are not reaching for our life jacket.

I was reminded of the day when I felt totally helpless and of what God told me. To look around and find Him. I have been carrying things on my shoulders and trying to fix things that, one, are not mine to fix and two, are not fixable by human hands. So I started looking for God again in His word, but also in His creation. I have started taking pictures of God's artwork and it has helped me. It helps with the pain and it is something I am enjoying doing. Who knew seeing things through a lenses of a camera could be such good medicine? I have ideas of things I would like to do, such as taking pictures of all the churches in our county this fall. Sometimes we just need to open our eyes to discover where our help comes from.